Caught in this state
This search for the lighter side of being,
The way out of this grey-filled mess,
To a place where I’m not caught between
Love and hate,
Or else, apathy.
Where the system of thought
Has shut down and gone dim,
And the thought of thinking,
Sinking the desire to try to swim,
Toward the light.
But even then, the hope still floats
And won’t do what it ought,
Or chokes the throats
Of unseen tears and the constant fight.
Still…the spirit of survival refuses
To give up or give in and so
What it chooses,
Is this nebulous reality of in-between;
Caught twixt love and hate,
And the apathy I know,
And the desire of the dream.
The outside keeps trying
While the inside is dying,
And the mind fights for freedom
Of the heart’s cruel cries.
But for every step forward,
The battle causes two back,
While the soul referees toward
A place where everything comes from,
And only blank nothingness lies.
I am forgetting what it means to be human.
~ C.L.R. ~ © 2007