It’s like trying to play ping-pong
With the Mad Hatter, as he dashes
Around the immovable feast of fear
Within my mind. “Move down! Move down!”
It’s hearing the lyrics of the same
Old song, the looped tape of questions
With only static as the feedback.
Except, the answers have already been given.
No one hears it anymore, but me.
I’ve been given what advice there is to be had.
But the dog still worries that bone,
Gnawing endlessly, restlessly, inside.
The war between mind and heart never ceases.
Logic and emotion battle for possession,
And either way, it seems I’ll lose.
I wish I had a white flag to wave in truce.
Even complete surrender won’t win this war,
Because holding on and letting go are so
Closely intertwined. I seem to be damned,
Either way, paralyzed by fear of both.
It’s a dilemma where the questions ARE the answers:
Grief, Anger, Pain, Resentment, Apathy,
Forgiveness, Love, and Acceptance.
All exist in tandem, but all randomly emerge as
I know the steps to this dance like the back of my hand.
I know the progression is a jagged scale,
Of highs and lows, and eventual balance.
If only the loop would just stop playing
Long enough for me to catch my breath.
~ C.L.R. ~ © 2007