Lately, I’ve just had this dream, of driving into the desert on a cloudless night, just driving and dreaming ’till the world felt ‘right’ again. Not even looking in the rear-view, but getting farther away from the Path of the Past, and when, on some Lost Highway, became myself again, at last, I could finally pull over and rest. Because those stars out there, in the desert’s cold clime, where you can see all of them wheeling in that endless, empty space…they really do hold wishes, maybe holding my place in the cosmic line.
So many wishes over the years, each one said with a whispered chant, and only a few came true, but the others…well, maybe they just can’t. Or at least not yet, anyway. Because the stars melt into skies in the light of each new day and only return when you’re not looking for them.
I’d give up everything, just to find that kind of inner peace that came, from the mantra of numbness, from saying your own name over and over until it doesn’t even make sense. I’ve been wishing on stars my whole life, and trying to find the right galaxy, or constellation, where all those dreams escaped the knife of this world…I wish I could figure out where they went.
Many were swallowed in the Black Hole of Time, or the vortex of those enemies, mine, whose “Event Horizons” were really just full of shards of ice and darkness. What I wouldn’t give, for just one comet, tail blazing across the stars, the scars, and…yes, searing and purifying me again with the Creator’s Sacred Fire. I’d die to be re-born without these marks.
Pure as the driven…and maybe by driving, could find the way to where the wrongs were forgiven, but no one can give me directions. I’ve asked. I’ve had this dream lately. And had I not been driven insane already, by games played with my head or my heart and…wait…they…gave me false directions on purpose! Evil bastards!
And while I am the same age as Danté, and at times have thought “I sol tace”, I’ve been to hell and back, and can safely say, that I take comfort in the fact that those who hurt me the worst, will be forever whipped, and cursed to the Bolgias of the Eighth Circle. But I, I will be flying with all the wishes I’ve ever made, whole and healed, free of this realm and facade of ours. Karma will set the balance right. And maybe driving into that cold desert night, I can finally, forever stay with my stars.
~ C.L.R. ~ © 2007