~ For Christopher ~

((Remembering My Brother – Yesterday my only brother, Chris, would have been 37 years old. He died in 2001 and I have missed him ever since. I have not been back to the cemetery since the funeral…not because I don’t care…but because I care too much and being there was more ‘real’ than I could handle. I would rather remember him with a smile than with tears. Holidays are hard – they are not the same without him, and of course, his birthday is another reminder.

He was a wonderful, intelligent, handsome, warm and giving young man, so much like my father at times it was uncanny. Chris always had a way of making me smile when I needed it most, and as my only sibling, he understood me better than anyone on the planet.  I wish he was here, now. I could use one of his jokes, or hugs…he gave the best bear hugs!
So…every year, on his birthday, I post this poem I wrote for him…in memorium.))

My favorite picture of him at 4 years old

~ For Christopher ~

Today was grey, subdued.
And I felt your spirit near.
Perhaps it was my lonesome heart,
but I could swear I felt you here.
All day long, I thought of you.
And saw you in my mind:
The gentle, laughing, warm brown eyes,
the smile so wise and kind.

I remembered growing up with you,
how you were always there.
And how we were inseparable,
Brody, we were such a pair!
I thought about your laughter,
and your dreams, so big and bright.
All taken away by a shrilling phone,
in the deep stillness of the night.

I remember countless Magic games,
endless walks and talks we shared….
And I wonder if you ever knew,
how much I truly cared.
I cherish that I had you
though it was much too short a while.
Sometimes I can think back on you
and somehow, try to find a smile.

No ocean of tears will bring you back,
my sweet, gentle, laughing brother.
I never wanted to be an only child,
but there will never be another.
I grieved for you today, Christopher,
and I try to smile when I remember.
You may be gone,
but your memory lives on,
on the 25th day of September.

* I miss you, Brody *

~ C.L.R. ~

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About dragonkatet

Regarding the blog name, Dragon’s Dreams ~ The name comes from my love-affairs with both Dragons and Dreams (capital Ds). It’s another extension of who I am, a facet for expression; a place and way to reach other like-minded, creative individuals. I post poetry and images that fascinate or move me, because that’s my favorite way to view the world. I post about things important to me and the world in which we live, try to champion extra important political, societal and environmental issues, etc. Sometimes I wax philosophical, because it’s also a place where I always seem to learn about myself, too, by interacting with some of the brightest minds, souls and hearts out there. It’s all about ‘connection(s)’ and I don’t mean “net-working” with people for personal gain, but rather, the expansion of the 4 L’s: Light, Love, Laughter, Learning.
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8 Responses to ~ For Christopher ~

  1. Oh, dear Corina!!! I am so sorry for your loss! I know no words could make your pain less and no time could make the memories fade away … Count me with you in this difficult moment, I’m sending you a friendly hug! May he rest in peace!

  2. Jo Bryant says:

    Corina – loss is such a personal experience for each of us – we can try to empathise – try. Grief is a emotional carnival ride – the one that spins the cars around, then spins aound while spinning around on a grander scale. There’s never anyway to find your balance amongst it all, but to grip tight to whatever you can in that moment. Can I say – that the love you had for Christopher swims within your words, as I imagine it swam in your relationship. What a wonderful thought that there was love between you – for both of you. Make that your grip in the days when memory is difficult, painful. They say time heals – I say bullshit !! You just learn not to let it take you under. How can a person heal from such a loss ? Maybe that’s the point – not to heal. Wear the scar of his existence and his leaving as a mark of pride that Christopher existed at all. I am sending you (((hugs))) across the air.

    JO

    • dragonkatet says:

      Thank you so much for such a kind and warm comment, my wonderful friend! You are right in so much that you say in this, Time does not heal, it just mutes the harshness of the pain. Yes, we were about as close as two siblings could be who weren’t twins. Maybe you’re right that the point is not to heal, but to remember, always, Thank you very much for the hugs! *hugs* back atcha! 🙂

  3. eebrinker says:

    oh …hun. i didn’t know you lost your brother.

    this is such a touching and beautiful write …. they do live on as we remember. hold the moments, smile through the tears.

    • dragonkatet says:

      Thanks, E. It’s not something a lot of people know. I try to smile through the tears. Some days it is easier than others. Thanks again for the sweet comment. 🙂

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